humbled

Well, one thing that I've struggled with a lot throughout most of my life is pride. I am incredibly prideful in a few different ways. One example of my pridefulness is shown when I do something wrong. It takes a lot for me to own up to my mistakes and admit that I was wrong; I hate doing it. Another time where I'm very prideful is when I feel like I'm doing something good in my life. It's almost as thought I put myself on a pedastal and look down upon everyone who isn't doing what I'm doing. I've recently become extremely passionate for the Lord. I've gotten to a place in my life where everything is just coming together and it's been awesome! But my pride was really getting the best of me. Two days ago I was really convicted of this. I was gossiping..eww i know..and I just had it on my heart that I wasn't getting the big picture. When we're passionate about the Lord, it can only go so far without following our passions with action of compassion. Basically this means that we should do something about how we feel, we should live it out and share it, but do it in a loving way. I don't know how, but I thought I was doing this. Psshh, yeah right..I for sure wasn't doing this. I was talking about people I knew and just being so judgmental. This is really embarrassing and humbling to admit, but I honestly thought I was better than some people. I thought that since I was so passionate, other people who didn't act the way I did weren't as good as me. Pause for a minute.

How wrong is this thinking? How off were my thoughts? Wayyyy wrong and wayyy off. I was convicted of my judgment on others hardcore and I just sat back and thought about it. Yesterday before I read James chapter 4, I wrote in my journal.

"Before I read this, I just want to own up to something I've been struggling with. I am so prideful and self-righteous. I honestly think that I'm better than a lot of people. But that fact is...I'm not. Humble me Lord. I pray that you destory the pride inside of me. It disgusts me."

I opened up James and these are what I read..
verse 6 "...God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble and oppressed."
verse 8 "...Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded."
verse 10 "Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will life you up."
verse 11 "Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it."

It was pretty cool to see that God was just showing me that what I was doing wasn't how he wanted it. He wants us to be passionate, but also be compassionate towards others. We'll never get it right if we can't love on others the way we love and are loved by the Lord.